Preparing for your wedding also means preparing for in-laws. There are low-key families who get along with hardly a ruffle. Then there are high drama parents who overflow with tension and stress around your forthcoming wedding. The simplest of decisions can bring on a torrent of tears and texts. You and your spouse-to-be need to become a united front, thinking through decisions together and developing thoughtful strategies to maintain control of your special day! Get all the support you need in order to be your strongest selves as you devote yourselves to each other.
Keep in mind the two basic rules of effective communication as a couple:
1: Not on an empty stomach!
2: No serious talk when you’re longing for sleep!
In other words, forget about meaningful conversation when hungry or tired!!
“A growing share of adults say interracial and interethnic marriage is generally a good thing”, reports the Pew Research Center. They state that “Americans today are less likely to oppose a close relative marrying someone of a different race or ethnicity.”
Couples getting engaged in our Boston/Cambridge area certainly reflect this trend as witnessed by Wisely Wed. Blending of traditions and respect for differences is reflected in the creative, harmonious weddings we help couples to fashion.
Read more about this Pew Research here: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/06/12/key-facts-about-race-and-marriage-50-years-after-loving-v-virginia/
Sometimes if and when to have children becomes a delicate conversation as couples get ready to marry. This topic may be avoided if one or both partners are unsure of the wish to become a parent. Having the choice to build on your partnership and start a family presents many possibilities based on wishes, fears and life goals. Sharing your honest thoughts and feelings is of vital importance.
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote these precious words in 1844. They still inspire us to create rituals which communicate our deepest love for our intimate partners. Couples develop countless ways of saying, “I love you”. It can be as simple as holding hands while getting into bed or a kiss goodbye as you leave for work. Little tokens of affection shared on an everyday basis go a long way toward cementing a strong and lasting bond between partners and lift us up as we face life’s challenges.
Getting married means rethinking how you handle your money. If you’ve been single through your twenties and thirties, you’ve developed habits when it comes to spending, saving and debt. As you approach your wedding day, rethinking money management comes with the territory. Money becomes a ‘couple’s issue’. There are many aspects to how couples handle financial decisions; joint bank accounts, who’s in charge of the bills, priorities about spending, discretionary money., to name a few. Times have changed since money was solely a husband’s responsibility, especially with two paychecks on the table. Attitudes about handling finances are shifting alongside generational changes in household roles. Figuring out what will work best as you get married will be an ongoing conversation. Money management will keep evolving as your family grows. Keeping the conversation going is what will matter most. Communication, communication, communication!!
Build another winning Boston team as you marry. Follow the example of our many sports champs. They rush out onto the playing field having honed complimentary skills, practicing them many times over, learning to anticipate each other’s moves. Successful couples need the same level of commitment and practice in order to get in synch and anticipate the reactions of your teammate. Honest sharing of your authentic feelings, ideas, hopes and dreams are the necessary skills for building a championship marriage!
“Today's couples are more diverse than ever,” according to The Knot’s recent report. “39% of couples married since 2010 married someone of a different religious background. Gender identity and diversity play a role as well.”
As Boston couples, you reflect a colorful assortment, a panoply of religious and cultural backgrounds. You are falling in love and finding beautiful paths toward mutual respect and strong, enduring futures. You are developing recipes for richer, fuller, more flavorful identities coming from countries too numerous to even mention in a short blog; creating meaningful spiritual paths for yourselves and your future families.
At Wisely Wed, we encourage couples to keep on stirring the pot, opening up to the rich traditions you each bring to the table!
As your wedding day gets closer, are you thinking about new labels coming your way, that of husband and wife? There’s the traditional version still seen on commercials which pop into our minds, wife in charge of house and kids, husband getting home from work, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash. Dual career-minded couples are continuing to grapple with how to create fresher versions of these roles. Yesterday, a groom-to-be at Wisely Wed put it perfectly, “we want a marriage where gender specific roles are neutralized”. Finding the right balance of division of labors in your home will be an ongoing conversation, one that lasts the lifetime of your partnership!
Planning your wedding calls for an extra level of courage when your parents are divorced. Most important to keep in mind, history does not need to repeat itself. Open, honest communication is the key to marital success. There is nothing preventing you and your partner from building the trust you seek as you get married. Reach out to as many positive role models and supports as possible. You can learn the ropes of what it takes to turn your dreams for a happy home into a reality!
It’s the little things that can drive us crazy—-especially when it comes to sharing personal space. Opposites attract but living together when your needs for neatness are dramatically different can be a frustrating challenge. What’s important to remember is that he/she isn’t leaving their socks on the floor just to annoy you. Differences in clutter, cleaning or even leaving cabinet doors ajar habits can challenge your patience and raise the level of household stress. Habits are hard to break but you can learn to live harmoniously with each other by coming up with solutions that work for you both!
Wondering how to plan a ceremony when not religious? “A large and growing number of couples are opting for a family member or friend to preside, especially if they’re looking for a personal touch or a religiously neutral ceremony. The shift seems linked to changing relationships to organized religion, say experts and those who have participated in such weddings.” Source: The Baltimore Sun
Forty-three percent of couples in the U.S. had a friend or family member act as their wedding officiant, up from 29 percent in 2009, according to the 2016 Real Weddings survey by wedding website The Knot.
“There’s been a dramatic increase in the number of religiously unaffiliated Americans, sometimes referred to as the religious “nones,” especially among younger people.” reports Ann Duncan, associate professor of Religious Studies at Goucher College. “There are a lot of folks who still have some form of religious or spiritual practice, but are not formally connected to a particular religious denomination or community, and so they need somebody else to provide that service,” Duncan said.
Choosing that special someone who knows those funny or quirky personal details will make your ceremony truly memorable. Working together to produce heartfelt vows, reflective of your hopes and dreams for your future marriage will be the icing on the cake!
By the way, couples are opting for Premarital Prep from a religion-neutral source like Wisely Wed, for these same reasons.
Ever hear about Money Personalities? Taking an honest look at your attitudes about money is imperative as you make the commitment to get married. Studies show that our attitudes about money are deeply ingrained and often not talked about. Honestly sharing your financial habits is a winning strategy rather than making the assumption that you and your partner are on the same page. Money Personalities has to do with priorities and habits about spending and saving. It’s complicated! You’ve probably developed a lot more money habits than you realize and openly looking at bank accounts, spread sheets, earnings, debt, discretionary spending, assets, savings are all part of the mix. It may seem like a daunting topic but well worth taking an eye-opening approach toward sharing. It will pay off in the end!
Romantic dreams fulfilled. A magical proposal shared between the two of you. Now that you've sealed the deal, what was once the most personal experience of your lives becomes public property. Announcing your engagement to the world is fun at first but can very quickly become overwhelming. The avalanche of reactions, advice and suggestions will come from all directions. If you and your partner cherish your privacy, post-engagement can feel surreal. Remembering to save intimate time just for yourselves is not only wise but will help you stay sane as wedding planning kicks into high gear!
Best Wishes on your engagement from Wisely Wed!!!
Most couples I see in Brookline’s Coolidge Corner come from different backgrounds, often from far corners of the globe, describing themselves as multicultural. You can tailor your ceremony to reflect family traditions while also developing your own special rituals. There are many opportunities to incorporate these personal touches; the ceremony is the most obvious, but there is also the rehearsal dinner, post-wedding breakfasts, as well as separate joyous celebrations in far-off countries of origin! Food, music, colors can all reflect what’s special about the two of you while holding onto family heritage.
Ideas from many places:
Chuppah or bridal canopy
Katubah or decorative Marriage Contract, possibly in multiple languages
Memorial candles to honor those who are gone
Photo remembrance arrays
Young tree potted to be planted at future home
Jumping the broom
Breaking a glass
Korovai or wedding bread
Wedding tartans tied together
Sugar coated almonds
Looking for more ideas? Here are 45 Fascinating Wedding Traditions from Around The World.