"Get Married"

Get Married: an exciting new book by Brad Wilcox of the National Marriage Project, University of Virginia.

“What’s the recipe for happiness? Nothing predicts happiness better than a good marriage. Wilcox writes that our kids and communities — not to mention our civilization as a whole — are much more likely to flourish when the state of our unions are strong. Couples who take a “we-before-me” approach to married life-by for instance, sharing joint checking accounts — are happier and less divorce-prone than couples who do not. Couples who forge “family first” marriages —characterized by frequent date nights, family fun time, and chores done with kids- enjoy the happiest marriages” (Harper-Collins 2024).

The National Marriage Project, directed by Wilcox, conducts research, sponsors conferences, and public lectures, publishes reports, books and articles by family scholars, and makes its findings available to the broader public through its web site, media outreach, and publications.

Chores Challenge: The Reality of Sharing Space

Thinking about moving in together usually conjures up candlelit dinners and lots of cozy cuddling. What you may not have figured out is how to handle the reality of chores.

You are suddenly faced with doing laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning up, bathroom, vacuuming, etc., while becoming romantic roommates.

Developing a happy routine requires honest conversations while figuring out equal division of labor over time. Fairness is key to successfully sharing space as you merge your lives in your new apartment.

We Just Got Engaged. Now Comes the Family Pressure!

Ring on the finger and it’s open season on wedding advice from family and everybody else. When, where and how? All of your choices may become fair game for the dearest people in your lives. Parents may feel especially entitled to have their opinions rule the day. Your venue selection, guest list, bridal party: all can become fuel for family pressure.

You can build strength as a committed team by developing strategies for decision-making. Figuring out how to remain in control of your special time while communicating respect for those you love will create a healthy recipe for the many choices which lie ahead.

Going From Me to We Is the Hardest Part of Love

New York Times Feb. 9, 2023

“Growing up, my family never had much patience for “we liked it” people, those couples who use the royal “we” as though their relationship is its own fiefdom. For instance, the husband who, when asked, “What did you think of the show?” responds, “Oh, we liked it.” The rule was that when one of these couples came to dinner, we had to contain ourselves until they were on the front walk — then my siblings and I would start in.

What goes around comes around, and in recent years that kind of teasing has often been directed at me. Or I guess, we, me and my husband, David, who in the course of our half-decade relationship have found ourselves, on occasion, speaking like the king and queen of Genovia.

The problem with “we liked it” has to do with identity. No matter how good your relationship, you’re probably not always on the same page as your partner. So speaking as a collective tends to come off one of two ways: Either you have no idea what your partner really thinks (and also don’t care), or you’re rubbing everyone else’s nose in how in sync the two of you are, practically one person.”

By Michal Leibowitz editorial assistant in Opinion.

Even if you’ve been together for years, going from singlehood to becoming a more official couple through engagement or marriage often means a major identity shift. Find the rest of this interesting article for more ideas to mull over.

Sharing Love as you Share an Apartment

We spoke to the Globe’s Boston.com about how moving in together gives you the chance to practice flexibility and compromise on a daily basis. Learning greater agility as you understand your partner’s quirky habits will strengthen bonds of deep trust.

Read More

Money Matters As You Marry

A fact of married life is shared finances. Each partner will be bringing his/her own attitudes, spending habits, savings goals into the mix. Developing open communication about money is critical to any successful partnership - and marriage presents the most momentous partnership you will enter into. Money talk may be serious but you can also keep is light and fun as you navigate the ups and downs of financial life together.

Read more

Charming DIY Weddings

Down-sized Covid weddings make way for couples to get creative!

One DIY couple transformed a bleak city asphalt driveway into a floral oasis. Guests Zoomed in from far and wide to share loving wishes.

A more public city ceremony was held on the gaily festooned front steps of a downtown brownstone with passersby cheerfully waving their congratulations.

Country club affair for 250 was whittled down to an intimately elegant 14 in attendance with the bride taking on roles of florist, d.j., venue coordinator.

Put on those those thinking caps, make your tiny Covid-era wedding a most special, fun, wonderful day to remember!

Dream Wedding vs. Reality of 100 yr Pandemic

You’ve pictured your dream wedding since you were little; the walk down the aisle, your best friends at the altar, gazing into each other’s eyes during the ceremony. Then poof. You wake up one day and your dream is rudely destroyed. This virus which has disrupted the rhythm of all of our lives, putting our health and welfare in jeopardy overnight, has also wrecked havoc with your life-long wedding dream. Shock, panic attacks, anguish, anger, deep frustration, depression, anxiety, overwhelming stress, insomnia are just some of what couples are experiencing. Being stuck in the house together 24/7 may also result in turning on each other as a way to vent a sense of hopelessness in the face of the lack of control that a shattered dream wedding triggers.

When the shock wears off, you wake up to the reality of today’s virus-impacted world, remembering the meaning of the wedding itself, commitment to a shared life as a loving couple. You are still side-by-side, venturing down life’s road together, leaning on one another for strength when the path is rocky and you lose your balance. Dancing at your wedding would have been lighthearted fun. Deepening your commitment while sharing resilience in the face of an unpredictable health crisis can cement stamina while strengthening your bond to a deep, trusting married life.

Celebrating Your Original Wedding Date If You've Had to Postpone!

Boston Magazine Weddings 5/7/2020 has some great ideas for those couple postponing their Spring/Summer wedding.

*Wait to make it official but swap vows anyway

*Feast on a dish you planned to serve at your reception

*Create a dance mash-up with your bridal party

*Have a cyber photoshoot

*Give out celebration kits by mailing out a celebration in a box - confetti, play list of songs, scented candle

*Have a virtual dance party

*Bake your own wedding cake

*Get married anyway!!

For a Boston Covid-19 Marriage License, you need an appointment in order to get a license. Appointments are full through May. To schedule a June appointment go to:

Boston.gov/departments/registry-birth-death-and-marriage

Virus and Weddings - Latest News from The Knot

New Study: 96% of Couples Are Not Canceling Their Weddings

By Anja Winikka

Photo: Maria Campbell Photography

Last week we reached out to engaged couples across the country to better understand how COVID-19 is impacting their wedding plans. More than 470 couples with wedding receptions scheduled between April and July 2020 took the survey. Our biggest takeaway from The Knot Worldwide COVID-19 Impact Study? 96% of couples are not planning to cancel their weddings at this time. Instead, they are either keeping a close eye on recommendations from the CDC or postponing their dates.

  96% of couples with upcoming weddings have a clear preference to postpone to a later date or hold off on changes. 

Only a small percentage (4%) are canceling their wedding receptions. While many say postponing has been a very difficult decision since they’ve been planning for more than a year (average engagement length is 15 months), they recognize that it’s necessary for the health and safety of themselves and guests.  

 Among those postponing their weddings, 65% are moving their receptions to a later date in 2020. 

Most of the 2020 postponements are being rescheduled for July through October (48%); another 13% are focusing on November or December, and just 4% are rescheduling for May or June.The rest of respondents who are postponing said that they are shifting to 2021 (18%) or are still deciding (17%).

Roughly 40% of those postponing their weddings are planning to get legally married prior to their rescheduled receptions. 

There is a fair share of couples who are going ahead with small legal ceremonies during this time. That said, they’re eager to have the larger celebration with friends and family. 

Postponing Your Wedding Can Have Surprising Results

Whether or when to postpone your wedding can be agonizing, frustrating and your worst nightmare. It can also provide the kind of challenge which may bring you closer. After all, you will need to strategize at length to come up with Plan B. Yes, the logistics are daunting, the money lost is sad, but in the long-run, your commitment to each other as loving partners in the face of adversity will shine through.

Boston Magazine Weddings 03/24/20 quotes Keri Ketterer Walter, wedding planner: “The biggest thing I want people to know is that you are the story, the wedding tells the story and celebrates it; not the other way around. The date, time, the venue, and the guest count can change, but the heart of the wedding and your story will remain untouched. Your original stunning wedding will morph into another stunning wedding. It will be remarkable no matter what happens.”

What's In A Name?

“As some married couples seek to join their identities, while also acknowledging they are equals, they are combining surnames or are creating entirely new ones.” reported by The New York Times, 3/11/2020. Trends about changing your name when getting married evolve over time. The Women’s Movement motivated many women to retain their maiden name. Couples hyphenating their two names became popular. These days as couples create many new forms of married life, name changes are also becoming more creative, with totally new names sometimes emerging. Old rules about names post-wedding are falling away, just as old assumptions about who can enter into marriage enters a new era. Brainstorming and trying out different name arrangements may help decide what feels right in your own newly married state!

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/11/fashion/weddings/name-change-after-marriage-not-always-easy.html?action=click&module=Features&pgtype=Homepage

Couple Power

Two voices are louder than one! A new power dynamic is formed when you get married. Friends and relatives tend to hear and see a newly married couple from a different vantage point- as a unique entity - somehow stronger than the two singles whom they knew before the wedding. As your own identity shifts from being a single to a double, people around you will be make way for the newly formed team coming onto the dance floor just as an inventive harmony of a duet perks up the ears of the listening audience.

In-Laws and Your Wedding

Preparing for your wedding also means preparing for in-laws. There are low-key families who get along with hardly a ruffle. Then there are high drama parents who overflow with tension and stress around your forthcoming wedding. The simplest of decisions can bring on a torrent of tears and texts. You and your spouse-to-be need to become a united front, thinking through decisions together and developing thoughtful strategies to maintain control of your special day! Get all the support you need in order to be your strongest selves as you devote yourselves to each other.

Rules of Engagement!

Keep in mind the two basic rules of effective communication as a couple:

1: Not on an empty stomach!

2: No serious talk when you’re longing for sleep!

In other words, forget about meaningful conversation when hungry or tired!!

Intermarriage Update

“A growing share of adults say interracial and interethnic marriage is generally a good thing”, reports the Pew Research Center. They state that “Americans today are less likely to oppose a close relative marrying someone of a different race or ethnicity.”

Couples getting engaged in our Boston/Cambridge area certainly reflect this trend as witnessed by Wisely Wed. Blending of traditions and respect for differences is reflected in the creative, harmonious weddings we help couples to fashion.

Read more about this Pew Research here: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/06/12/key-facts-about-race-and-marriage-50-years-after-loving-v-virginia/

And Baby Makes Three - considering your options!

Sometimes if and when to have children becomes a delicate conversation as couples get ready to marry. This topic may be avoided if one or both partners are unsure of the wish to become a parent. Having the choice to build on your partnership and start a family presents many possibilities based on wishes, fears and life goals. Sharing your honest thoughts and feelings is of vital importance.

Loving Ways

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote these precious words in 1844. They still inspire us to create rituals which communicate our deepest love for our intimate partners. Couples develop countless ways of saying, “I love you”. It can be as simple as holding hands while getting into bed or a kiss goodbye as you leave for work. Little tokens of affection shared on an everyday basis go a long way toward cementing a strong and lasting bond between partners and lift us up as we face life’s challenges.

Newlywed Money Matters

Getting married means rethinking how you handle your money. If you’ve been single through your twenties and thirties, you’ve developed habits when it comes to spending, saving and debt. As you approach your wedding day, rethinking money management comes with the territory. Money becomes a ‘couple’s issue’. There are many aspects to how couples handle financial decisions; joint bank accounts, who’s in charge of the bills, priorities about spending, discretionary money., to name a few. Times have changed since money was solely a husband’s responsibility, especially with two paychecks on the table. Attitudes about handling finances are shifting alongside generational changes in household roles. Figuring out what will work best as you get married will be an ongoing conversation. Money management will keep evolving as your family grows. Keeping the conversation going is what will matter most. Communication, communication, communication!!

Champions!

Build another winning Boston team as you marry. Follow the example of our many sports champs. They rush out onto the playing field having honed complimentary skills, practicing them many times over, learning to anticipate each other’s moves. Successful couples need the same level of commitment and practice in order to get in synch and anticipate the reactions of your teammate. Honest sharing of your authentic feelings, ideas, hopes and dreams are the necessary skills for building a championship marriage!